Think carefully about a particular time in your life or a particular relationship you’ve had that dealt intimately with love in one of its many forms, such as philia or agape. Although your professor would like you to think about other forms of love besides romantic love, you might try looking at some of these relationships for interactions between these other forms of love as well.

Interesting stories usually have some element of personal transformation or triumph over adversity, so try thinking about a time that either you or someone you know experienced a kind of profound transformation or perseverance. Analyze this situation in terms of love: What forms of love are at play? Did love have any effect on the outcome in question? What were these effects? Could you or that person have transformed or triumphed without love? If you know of a story like this, tell it!

What makes this paper so useful and so timely is that it allows you to explore the various dynamics and nuances of love without many constraints. Take this opportunity to explore your own experiences and views of love in the context of your life, and don’t be afraid to venture out and make novel claims about it (so long as you back it up with evidence). This paper helps make what was previously a more abstract study of love more concrete by applying it to your own life and your own unique experiences. Explore, and have fun with it!

EG

Secondly, impress the reader with the authority of the quote. In your sentences tell something about the source–maybe the source is a well-known person like former president Jimmy Carter, or has an impressive title like Surgeon General, or perhaps the name of the article is the most impressive like “Annual Energy Outlook 2007″ from the US government Energy Information Administration. No one cares about the actual author, in this case. The title is the convincing part.

You’re probably thinking, what about the citation and bibliography? Isn’t all that information there? Yes, but your text is convincing if you show that you were able to interpret the significance of the sources, not just stick a few ideas together with some quotes. Your role as writer is to digest and interpret for the reader, not just find. And, anything you put in the text, you can omit from the parenthetical citation–in MLA or APA.

For examples, see this short how-to from us: How to Use Quotes, Paraphrases, and Summaries Effectively

With a few additions, you can easily revamp a passage to show.

(1) Add dialog: Let people talk to show their feelings and motives.
(2) Add movement: Let people move around to show what’s happening and what they’re thinking. You can imply many complex ideas with through people’s actions.
(3) Add examples that show: Give readers more than one example. In fact, this might be where you can add the dialog and action.
(4) Replace “is/are” verbs with verbs that show action: grabbed, argued, flung, considered, extolled, worried, announced, etc.

Compare these two paragraphs in this pdf–These examples will show you the idea, rather than our just telling you the steps! how-to-show-more-tell-less.pdf

CORE tip: Apply these techniques to revisions of your creation narrative paper. Maybe showing more will bring it to life.

“I’d like you to check for FLOW.”

 “Maybe this doesn’t FLOW right.”

Though you might not be able to define FLOW in writing, you know when you have it and when you don’t!

Many qualities contribute to text FLOW; here are some editing steps you can apply that may help you capture that elusive quality.

COHERENCE

Read aloud. Though this reminds you of junior high, it’s the best editing trick around. Underline sentences or parts that don’t “sound right” and check out their insides. These two examples will give you the idea.

Example: Colleges are making tuition more affordable with scholarships and having  scholarships and campus jobs.  [Notice how the phrases are constructed differently. They are not similar in grammatical structure or consistent in point of view, which wrecks the flow.]
Improved: Colleges are making tuition more affordable by offering scholarships and campus jobs.
Example: For companies who want to increase market share, they must advertise to their target group. [The word "for" throws off the sentence. Begin with "companies" and omit "they."]

Wordy or illogical constructions can clog a sentence’s flow: The reason is because . . .Pneumonia is when

Omit because and when in this type of construction.

COHESION–You’ll feel “flow” when ideas move from old-to-new:
Move from familiar to unfamiliar ideas. Notice this movement in the following sentences:

The native language of nearly 1 million people is American Sign Language (ASL) [new idea]. Unlike a common misperception, ASL [old idea] is not English in signed form [new idea]. Signed English [old idea] involves signing individual characterisitics of an English sentence, whereas an ASL signer uses physical space occupied and facial expression in a communication exchange [new idea].  ASL [old idea] can be described as “pictorial/visual and three dimensional while English is audible and linear” (Schmidt, Bunse, Dalton, et al 7).
PUNCTUATION also assists with “flow” because these minute marks signal a change in tone, expression, or tempo that you would hear or see in a conversation. On paper, these signals tell your brain what to expect next.

Check out the blog category of “editing” to brush up on conventions of punctuation.

Schmidt, Katherine, et al. “Lessening the Divide: Strategies for Promoting Effective Communication between Hearing Consultants and Deaf Student-writers.” The Writing Lab Newsletter,  33.5 (2009): 6-10.

• covey cause and effect, sequence, or time
• build suspense or make an idea pop out
• give variety to a paragraph; make your writing more sophisticated

To sound more interesting and sophisticated, mix up the types of sentences you are using. Don’t use all simple sentences or all compound or complex sentences. Placing short sentences between longer ones give the shorter sentences a punch–they stand out more.

Here are some other sentence types to consider:
A loose sentence is the type of sentence that is most common. At the beginning of the sentence is the main idea (subject and verb) and then all the other less important information follows. For example: I left the restaurant feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach as all my surroundings swirled before my eyes. In this case the subject (I) and the verb (left) are at the beginning of the sentence.

A periodic sentence is not as common and must be used with care. With this type, there is a build-up to the main idea. For example: Looking at the rose, at its soft petals and thin folds, I saw beauty. Here, the main idea (I saw beauty) is at the end of the sentence and all the other details lead up to this idea. If used sparingly, this sentence style makes an idea have real snap. The subject and verb really stand out at the end.

To express cause and effect:

Use a complex sentence beginning with since or because: Because of the reduction in anticipated dividends, many employees delayed their retirement.

(Same idea expressed with a compound sentence does not express cause and effect clearly: Employees anticipated reduced dividends, and they decided to delay their retirement.)

To express sequence or simultaneous events:
Use a complex sentence beginning with while, whenever, before, as, or a similar word: While the stock market dropped, employees

Tip: When having trouble with a draft, try writing “I think that . . .” often to help you decide what you want to say. Later you can eliminate this construction by using the second part of the sentence.