At this point, my fellowship has been over for a couple of weeks. Afterwards, I spent a week in Washington DC staying with other fellows and exploring a new city. During this time and even now, I have had some unique opportunities to reflect on the experience as a whole and what it taught me about being a professional, working in law, and working with non profits. But even deeper than that, I have asked myself what I learned about being a leader, being of service, and about my calling and purpose.

Calling and purpose have been a tricky thing for me to try to unpack- this summer and throughout the course of my life. A lot of different paths and options interest me, and there are several things that I think I would be happy doing with my life. Research, law, and work in government are only a few of the wide array of things I have looked into just in the last few months! But what about calling and what about purpose? What am I supposed to be doing? And if I do not know, how do I find out?

In some ways, I expected a CAPS fellowship with a nonprofit law firm to help me decide if going to law school and practicing public interest law are my next steps after finishing undergraduate studies. This has been the most consistent career path I have considered over the years, yet I have always remained uncertain about it- especially when I realize how many other things I could do, too! However, after finding out that my placement would be with Charitable Allies, I told several people that this would be my opportunity to verify: law school or not. In hindsight, I realize that was a lot of pressure to put on 9 weeks. If I was not certain already about going to law school and choosing a career, it was definitely not something that I could become sure of after just those short weeks. Instead, I did ask better questions to get a glimpse of the consequences of those choices. I did reflect on whether this is something that I see myself doing. I did properly inform myself about the benefits and risks of those options. I did learn by talking to people, by observing, and by contemplating.

One of the more important things I took away will help me reflect not just on the CAPS fellowship, but also on my years at Valpo. And that is that a singular experience cannot clearly define my life because in reality, our life is made up of many experiences. Particular instances can certainly impact the path, change it, or even affirm it. After all, we do have what we call defining moments. But really, experiences add up to shape our lives, building on what we have already learned, teaching us and changing us if we let them.

That is how I have come to reflect on my CAPS fellowship. Not as one summer that gave me a clear path for the future, but one that built on experiences I already had, challenged my ways of thinking, and certainly gave me a better idea on where to go from here- at least for now.

Here at Charitable Allies, I experienced law in a few different ways, specifically in the nonprofit sector. I began to understand what makes a nonprofit function properly and how having a legal perspective is both helpful and necessary at times. I saw how service comes in many forms. In the case of Charitable Allies, that comes not just by doing legal work for nonprofits, but working with them to change practices and adjust how they function to benefit them in the future whether that is with better board governance, improved processes for grantmaking and giving, etc.

I also had a chance to shadow a deputy prosecutor, demonstrating a more direct form of service to a specific community that comes with a mission dedicated to delivering justice and advocating for victims among other things. I learned to ask questions when necessary, but also to trust that I can figure things out as well, even if it is occasionally trial and error.

This experience has me asking the right questions about the future. What do I want out of a career? Who do I want to serve and how? What am I willing to do to get there? Is it fulfilling, challenging, rewarding? What are the advantages and disadvantages? Will it allow me room to grow, opportunities to improve, and the ability to change course if needed? Can I be a leader? Am I putting my gifts and talents to use in a way that gives me purpose?

These, and other questions, I can now answer more honestly using the experience I had at Charitable Allies and others in the past. More than before, I am excited about the future, no longer fearing that I will make the wrong choice. Being a leader and being of service comes in many forms. Finding a calling and fulfilling purpose is not a “one size fits all”. What I am called to do may not be set in stone yet and as I grow as a professional, how I use my gifts and talents for a purpose will likely change and evolve to match the growth I have experienced. So now, I just have to get started.