Just as quickly as the first day of Lutheran Summer Music arrived, so did the last day. The morning started off exceptionally rainy, initially making it a gloomy move-out day for LSM students and their families. I spent most of the morning preparing for medication check-out and packing up some of my own belongings as well. Knowing that this would be the last day of LSM, I felt a multitude of emotions: excitement to go home and spend time with my family, fatigue, and general worry about how the day would go. I thought that saying goodbye to students and their families would be a quick process, but I was happily mistaken.

As I met with each student and their families, some of them expressed appreciation that I had not anticipated. One parent expressed gratitude for the time that I spent caring for their student. Another parent wrote me a letter thanking me for my care. Along with the smiles and the many thank-yous that I received from parents, I also received kind feedback from the students that I assisted throughout the past month at LSM. On the way out of the conference room that medication check-out was stationed in, a student paused and said that they looked forward to seeing me next year. Another student asked me if I would be the Health Counselor again next year and said that I was very kind. All of these statements resonated with me.

Although I entered this position with the intent of providing the highest level of care that I could for these students, I did not expect recognition for this. I intended for the month that I spent with LSM to be dedicated to the support of student health and well-being. It is in the job description, yes – but beyond that, it was my way of displaying what I think healthcare is: compassion, care, and taking the time to ask if someone is okay, or, my favorite question, “is there anything that I can do to help you right now?” Despite this, I felt disconnected from the result of my efforts until I received feedback confirming that I helped to provide a healthy, safe environment for the LSM community. I realized that I was doing the work that I had wanted to do, but had been too busy worrying endlessly that I did not have the capability to do it.

Throughout the duration of my internship with CAPS, I also worried about finding my calling. In fact, I recall feeling behind because I could not identify what my calling was. I even felt that it was possible I couldn’t find it. However, I eventually understood that I would not be able to understand my calling and purpose if I was worrying so much about what it should be. In all honesty, I still cannot explain what my calling or purpose is, but I can confidently tell you that it involves the profession of Nursing, or the caring profession. My calling involves assisting others so that they can feel like their best selves, even if they are experiencing a difficult or shocking health situation. Although I was lost and unsure at most times, my calling placed me exactly where I needed to be.

If it is possible for you today, I want to encourage you to allow yourself the time to reflect on the hard work that you are doing – and allow yourself to celebrate it. And if you are feeling lost or disconnected from your calling, I will also include a verse that continues to help me through my own uncertainty: “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6.

– Isabella Dietrich, Lutheran Summer Music

Since my last blog post the workload at Kheprw for me has increased. Since we last talked I’ve been assigned to a couple of projects, one of those tasks is reaching out to partnered organizations to assist with business and guest speaking for the Alkemy space, which is an entrepreneur incubator space that builds community wealth in under-resourced communities of color by supporting entrepreneurs. One of the many reasons for this space to exist is, because of the racial wealth gap that exists between people of color and caucasians, for example in 2015 in Indianapolis: 10% of white people lived in poverty, compared to 26.3% of people of color; Unemployment was 5.3% for white people and 10% for people of color; the median hourly wage for white people was $22/hour and $16/hour for people of color. A way in which Alkhemy is planning to address this is by investing in under-resourced entrepreneurs. They are raising $1 million to launch the entrepreneurship hub at 38th and Illinois which will support 40 entrepreneurs over two years, providing 12 months of training, mentorship, technical assistance and financial resources. Through opening this space and existing, it’s going to allow individuals to stop working for those larger conglomerate companies and afford them the opportunity to accumulate wealth both fiscally and through community. 

Another task they have tasked me with is coming up with a plan to reach out to cooperative communities which is “an autonomous association of persons united voluntarily to meet their common economic, social and cultural needs and aspirations through a jointly owned and democratically-controlled enterprise”. Cooperatives are democratically owned by their members, with each member having one vote in electing the board of directors. I’m tasked with reaching out across the greater Indianapolis area and as well as across the country, and having them teach us how there’s specifically works and coming up with a blueprint along with other members of Kheprw to see how we could possibly develop our own.     

To say that my workload has increased I feel would be the understatement of the century, but I’m enjoying being able to put on a new hat every day,  as someone who aspires to one day own his own business and open a school to address the pressing concerns plaguing the educational system it’s a great learning experience to have all these different task, because I’m not thinking the same in each different role and they’re challenging me to think critically as well as creatively with each different project assignment.

As my experience with Kheprw is winding down and coming to a close I‘ve been able to do a lot of reflecting. In particular how coming down to the porch has had such a positive effect on me. This setting or “coming on down to the porch ” as we like to call it in our communication cohort as I mentioned in my last blog post is my favorite part of my internship, because you learn so many new things about people everyday. You also learn how individuals think as well, for instance the other day we were talking about Fear of Black Consciousness which is a book we’ve recently been reading and in the book we talked about chapter 11 titled the Blues and one of my colleagues said the chapter made him think less about how black music is consumed and more about how it’s produced. How do we perceive the world in relation to ourselves? They went on to say that “The consumption has twisted how the art is produced. People consume it for the aesthetic and not the meaning.” I just found that interesting to see how the chapter made him think and also really reevaluate how we as balck people perceive ourselves.

– Isaiah Roach, Kheprw

Lately, I’ve been thinking about an article I read by Steve de Gruchy, an author specializing in theology, ethics, and philosophy. The title is “Dealing with Our Own Sewage: Spirituality and Ethics in the Sustainability Agenda.” The primary purpose of the article is to emphasize the severity of the freshwater crisis, and how everyone must do their part to live more sustainably. One phrase from de Gruchy’s article keeps echoing in my mind: We all live downstream. So, how does this relate to my CAPS fellowship?

When recognizing that we all live downstream, one will realize that our decisions have resounding effects everywhere. Our choices do not affect just us– there are people “downstream” who will experience the ramifications of our actions. In his article, de Gruchy specifically uses this metaphor to describe water pollution. Earthly resources are finite; if we pollute the water here, it will eventually make its way to someone else, who now does not have clean water. The reality is that the ones most affected by water pollution are the disenfranchised and marginalized. It is easy to turn a blind eye when you, yourself, do not experience the consequences. Currently, in my life, I am seeing this metaphor everywhere I look.

The state of our planet, both environmentally and socially, has been stirring a rather hopeless feeling in me. Being a white woman in a developed country, I am relatively “upstream.” Not every day do I have to face all of the crises in the world– and there are many. So that we are on the same page, here are a few: the mass shooting epidemic, the climate crisis, animal genocide in agriculture, world hunger, war, the freshwater shortage, inflation, infectious disease, and the refugee crisis. That is a lot for a 21-year-old girl to face; however, that is the problem– most of us do not face it. We turn a blind eye, brush it off, and move on. We post a “I stand with Ukraine” tweet and then go take a nap.

Now, what I am not saying is that we all need to rise up and fix these issues all at once. That is impossible. What I am saying is that we cannot succumb to cognitive dissonance anymore. We all live downstream– so all of these issues? They’ll make their way to us. David Korten, an author and former Harvard professor, puts it like this: “we live on a spaceship, not an ocean liner. A spaceship has no lifeboat. Its occupants either prosper or perish together.” These statements may induce panic, but de Gruchy’s article does not end with a doomsday perspective. He doesn’t turn a brush off the issues either, though (that would be very ironic). He says this: “ [we have] the responsibility to tend one’s garden, respect both the neighbor and the stranger, and deal with one’s own sh*t.”

Again– what does this have to do with my CAPS fellowship? The American Red Cross is known for their humanitarian efforts. It is easy to feel like you’re not doing enough when you’re watching the work of such a large organization. What I learned from the de Gruchy article is this: it takes the efforts of many, not just one. The American Red Cross does amazing things, and I am just one piece of the puzzle. Even still, I am an important piece. To be complete, a puzzle needs all of the pieces. This is true in my fellowship, but also of the world. It is easy for me to beat myself up that I’m not doing enough. One person can’t do everything though– as de Gruchy said, we just need to deal with our own sh*t.

I’m having a great time with my internship, by the way.

– Victoria Cammarano, American Red Cross