If I leave this Internship with nothing else, it will be the memories of people swept up by purpose. Seeing interns, project managers, and conservation stewards alike inspires me continuously. In my position, the opportunity to see the inner workings of a nonprofit, and the complex world of grants, partners, and funding has presented itself. Additionally, I get to take an inside look at the research, water quality monitoring, and long-term conservation goals of Shirley Heinze Land Trust. 

Despite all these good things, I’ve come across an unsettling issue. The possibility of having a vocation has truly presented itself, and I could find myself swept up by a calling at any time. Vocation is an idea I had never seriously entertained. After all, I am easily contented and have always found happiness in my circumstances.

If you had asked me at any other point in my life about vocation, I might not have had a clear answer. Both of my parents are teachers and are deeply involved in their careers, which provide a significant and emotionally rewarding part of their lives. But for me? I had ruled out the possibility, but I always planned on finding a career and turning it into a calling, rather than being drawn to a path. I reassured myself that my passions and interests would remain, but they would be confined to my own time.

I expected to “learn to love” my job as if it was inevitable that I would work an unfulfilling job. But what if my vocation does exist, and I am drawn towards a path that I cannot pursue for whatever reason? After reflection, I discovered that my thought process had been the following. Never knowing I could have a vocation would be preferable to finding one that’s out of my reach. 

I had assumed that if I were not on the watch for vocation, or allowing myself to feel called to a line of work, I might never be given one. Is that silly, or prudent? In any case, it is certainly not brave, and I realize now that it has been a mechanism for preventing potential dissatisfaction later in life. I had thought I was surrendering when in reality I had taken life into my own hands. The truth is I refused to let myself be vulnerable, and ultimately I may have been dismissing the masks of God for fear of hardship. 

Korbin Opfer,

Shirley Heinze Land Trust Intern