Recently, I had the opportunity to go floating on the Wenatchee river with some other staff from the Guild. While I’d floated before, I underestimated how different this river would b —louder, faster, and full of rocks. I wondered why we brought paddles for what I assumed would be a lazy float—until I found myself clinging to the raft as the current tossed us around. Three hours later, I got home exhausted but happy to have a great memory. Reflecting back on the experience, I realized I had a certain narrative in my mind about what the trip was going to be like. I hadn’t really considered the possibility that it might not be exactly what I was used to and expecting. Ultimately, I had a lot more fun with the exciting new adventure. It made me think about how I often apply a linear way of thinking in different aspects of my life; particularly, when it comes to school and a career. Throughout my childhood, I was always told what was next: you finish first grade, you go on to second grade. You finish second grade, you go on to third grade and so forth. When I got to college, I had more freedom than ever. I could pick my own course of study; and I had no idea what to do. I had been so focused on getting to college that I hadn’t considered what I actually wanted to do once I got there.
For the past three years at Valpo, I’ve taken countless career tests, talked with mentors, and taken courses trying to figure out a career path. Finding my life’s purpose and calling has become almost an obsessive endeavor for my perfectionist mind. Being at the Guild has reminded me how important it is to embrace flexibility and trust the process. Over the past few weeks, several of our guests and resident artists have voiced a desire to welcome more “playfulness” into their work, letting go of the urge to over-direct it. As a result of this undertaking, I’ve found the common experience is learning and contentment.
I’ve come across this theme of flexibility and open-mindedness in my conversations with mentors and coworkers here at the Guild as well. A particular talk with one of our Spiritual Directors really resonated with me. She shared the idea that a calling is less about what you do and more about the spirit you bring to your work. In other words, any work can be purposeful if it’s approached with integrity and intention. That perspective felt incredibly freeing for me—it suggests that a calling might not be a single, fixed path, but something that can evolve as you do. The key is being willing to surrender control and create space for growth and discovery.
As I contemplated the implications of this for my life, Hilal Isler’s metaphor for Baldwin’s sense of belonging came to mind. She recognizes “those of us who move between nations, between homes. Those of us who grow identities, like skins, only to shed them, expand into new ones. Those of us who carry our sense of belonging like belongings, turtles and shells” (Isler 2019). Amid change and uncertainty, I’m learning that clarity isn’t always immediate but the journey can reveal what I couldn’t have planned for and teach me as I go. There may be rocks in the river, but the experience is shaped by how I move through it. Maybe, for now, that’s my calling: to be the turtle in the rocky river of life, going wherever the flow takes me.
Kayla Walker, Grunewald Guild