My internship with the Harrison Center has held countless surprises, lessons, and memories. Looking back on all of it (the good and the not-so-good), I wouldn’t change how any of it played out– mostly because everything I’ve learned has been one more puzzle piece I can add to my unknown, post-graduation future. One of my most unexpected epiphanies didn’t make itself known until my last couple of weeks in Indy but it greatly affected that span of time.

I didn’t anticipate becoming apathetic to writing– blog writing that is. I know it’s a bit meta and ironic with this being a blog post but between the Harrison Center and the freelance writing I do for an addiction recovery center, this reliable use of my Creative Writing degree has grown less appetizing. Upon reflection, I think what’s deflated my love for blog-writing-as-a-career, has been the way it has zapped my energy and interest in independently writing creatively; the original intent behind my business and sales writing was to give me enough financial stability to be able to pursue my personal writing endeavors.

A non-blog-writing project I initiated this summer!

I know that there are many other financially-plausible options that my Creative Writing degree could open up for me (e.g., editing and proofreading, layout and design, ghostwriting, graduate school, etc.) but I’d always kind of banked on freelance content and sales writing since I’ve already gotten my foot or at least a few toes into that door.

From a big picture perspective, I know that I would end up feeling lethargic about any task that took up 40+ hours of my week or really anything mentally-demanding by the end of the summer– but I’d be lying if I said this apathy hasn’t been slightly alarming. Granted, I know I have a tendency to get too caught up in the spiraling tale of “what ifs” but as I explained in my previous CAPS blog post, it is okay because that’s just a part of my process.

At my first meeting with my amazing mentor, Lindsay Bledsoe, she imparted upon me some advice that she herself had recently received and benefited from. In regards to pursuing a creative career, she said that “sometimes you have to make art and sometimes you have to make money.” While this was initially a bit of a buzzkill to my barely 3-weeks of interning honeymoon phase, it’s stuck with me and resurfaced as relevant many times throughout this summer.

I had already had some experience with this hard lesson, as I struggled the past school year to release from my freelance writing the high expectations I put on all of my personal and academic endeavors. But I had underestimated how much more difficult it would be to establish a routine and mindset that would allow me to evenly ration out my writing energy. I know that as someone looking to make a career out of my creativity, it will be an ongoing search to find that  balance between upholding my artistic standards, self-fulfillment, and making money.

These amazing friends have kept me inspired and sane this summer!

When I was just beginning my CAPS placement process, my dream of what this summer would hold was a filmy concoction that I excitedly stirred; my recipe grew as I poured in stories that previous fellows had told me, sprinkled in the advice of every person that would answer me, and threw in a dash (or two) of anxiety for good measure.

I like to reward myself towards the end of the day by moving downstairs to work in the resident studio of one of my new creative friends, Abi (who also took this artistic photo).

This past Wednesday marked exactly one month (it’s felt like two weeks!) that I’ve been interning at the Harrison Center as one of their many summer Cultural Entrepreneur Interns. I can confidently say that my dream had as many holes as it did substance and that I didn’t even need to cook it up (but who am I kidding– I’m definitely already gathering the ingredients for what I imagine the upcoming school year will bring).

One of the many epiphanies I’ve acquired and tucked away has been that it is okay to dream (and worry) about my future; even though I’m certain it won’t unfold in the detailed way I plan it in my head, it’s a part of my process for realizing what I want for myself and for those around me.

Yet parts of my dream have been greatly affirmed– like my vision of a free-flowing work environment that’s continually sparked and tamed by powerful, art-loving women, and my strengthened confidence in my writing abilities and future potential. I still get a few butterflies whenever I stop and think about how I’m working a stable, 9-5 job where my responsibilities entail writing (¾ of every day), interpreting art, strengthening community, and advocating for the persuasive and healing powers of the literary arts.

When I was filling out my application for the CAPS Fellows Program, I was very skeptical that there would actually be a real-world, successful organization with a mission to create change through art. At the time, I was freshly-obsessed with the concept of Artivism (art + activism) which I’m now happily able to say with certainty is one of my callings and purposes in society. It was when I first fell into the rabbit hole that is the Harrison Center’s website, that the flame for my future-summer-potion was ignited; I’m using my creative skills and passions everyday for a cause that’s bigger than me.

At the end of my first full week of work, my supervisor spontaneously invited me to come with her to the Indianapolis Museum of Art where I got to wander around for a few hours while she had a meeting.

My time in Indy has also filled some of the cracks of my dream that–at the time–I didn’t have the trust or courage to plant into my heart. Knowing that the literary arts is often an underestimated platform of expression, I was motivated to share with the Center what I envisioned. My supervisor, Joanna, trusted me with the freedom to choose how I wanted to execute this goal– as long as I was also blog-writing, taking initiative and advocating for myself. After my first couple days, I was feeling intimidated by the lack of writers that I was working alongside and the demand to push myself outside of my comfort-zone.

Flash-forward a week after my first day: I was leading about 20 people–fellow interns, HC artists, my supervisors, and a board member–in an Ekphrastic writing exercise where I guided them in  interpreting their own subjective understandings of a 5×5 ft mixed media painting. The experience flew by and it went exceptionally better than I had ever let myself hope for. One of my coworkers told me after this week’s exercise that she never knew writing could help her process everything so well and that she can’t wait to implement this new skill into her coursework in the fall.

But more valuable than all these epiphanies (expected and not), was the fulfillment of a gaping hole in my filmy dream that I hadn’t let myself add to the recipe: the incredible friendships I’m forming with my cohort and fellow artists at the Center. I think God, fate, and Ali (not necessarily in that order) were definitely working in cahoots when arranging the people that have become instrumental to my summer in Indianapolis. My mind and heart have expanded–and will continue–to hold their different perspectives and dreams that I’m lucky enough to learn through our CAPS family dinners, bonding over shared artistic soapboxes with my coworkers, and getting caught in torrential downpours (maybe more than once).

We took this photo before we even got to Indy but it’s actually the only one with everyone in it!