I love knick-knacks. Probably more than it is healthy — a part of me is so excited to be an old lady just because that’s when it becomes socially acceptable to buy multiple glass cases and showcase your dollar-bin souvenirs like treasures.

With my time in the CAPS program coming to an end, I’ve been in the process of packing up my things and, after going through all my things, I realized how much more stuff I’ve obtained during my time in Chicago.

These items document my summer almost as well as I could have if I wrote it all out. Some of the items include: A postcard from the Art Institute with Nighthawks by Edward Hopper printed on it. A small yellow waving cat I got from Chinatown. A box of chopsticks I also got from Chinatown, albeit on a different visit. A map for the Adler Planetarium. The poetry book Pole Dancing to Gospel Hymns by Andrea Gibson I got from a secondhand bookstore. A photostrip my friend and I got at a music festival in June. A skincare free sample from a booth at the farmers market. A pink sheer scarf and moonstone ring shaped like a heart, both of which my roommate promised were “my aesthetic.” A playbill for Come From Away. A food ticket from Taste of Chicago. Postcards my mom sent this summer. A journal and tin of tea I received as a going away present from my coworkers.

But, after looking through all these odds and ends, I realized there were so many more things I’ve gained this summer that I can’t stuff in a suitcase for move-out. These nonphysical things include: a steadier confidence, as well as a healthy amount of independence. Work experience by the loads. Connections with a career path I’m interested in. Insight into the nonprofit world, and what goes behind a successful organization (hint: it’s very passionate people). And while these things aren’t physical, they just as if not more valuable than the rest of the belongings I’m lugging back to Northwest Indiana.

Today is my last day of work and my last night in the city. This past week I’ve been allowing myself to splurge on my favorite city foods and drinks, as it’ll probably be the last time for a while I’ll have such easy access to it all. But even though I’ll be missing a lot about Chicago and my apartment/internship here, I’m so excited for my last year at Valpo. It’s gonna be a great year, and I’m sure I’m going to pack-rat even more knick-knacks and experiences.

An hour and forty-five minutes.

That’s the longest I’ve gotten lost here amongst the Chicago streets. I’ve gotten lost looking for bubble tea, I’ve gotten lost looking for museums, I’ve gotten lost looking for countless bookshops and more. My second day here, I got lost looking for the Target and I still think a little part of me is out there looking for the red and white store.

When my mom asks, I tell her I’ve spent most of my time “exploring” the city because that sounds a lot better than “my google maps lost connection ten minutes in and I wandered up and down Washington for thirty minutes.” It’s all about the rebranding, folks.

However, a month in, my hopeless sense of direction has marginally become less so. I say marginally because just last Friday, I almost exceeded my record on time lost when I was looking for a new ramen place.

Although, it’s not like I’m gifted in directions back home. If it weren’t for the multiple map apps I have on my phone, I’d hardly be able to leave me apartment parking lot in Valpo.

I hate getting lost, I really do. It’s the constant bone I have to pick with myself and the universe, my complete lack of direction. But it’s not all bad. While lost, I’ve found adorable little parks, farmers markets, a secondhand book store I would literally die for, and rainbow roads.

While “exploring,” I’ve also tried things I never would have considered back home. Numerous small coffeeshops that are nothing like the Dunkin Doughnuts I usually stick to, little bakeries smell like sugar and bread, thai ice cream shops where they roll up the cream right in front of you. Wonderful little places I’m happy to find and even more happy to share with my friends when they visit.

Usually, when I’m in stage 4 of being lost (the first stages being 1. Obliviousness, 2. Creeping Dread, 3. Denial and/or the Bargaining stage) I’ll wander over to the nearest Wifi providing establishment, buy a drink of tea/coffee/juice/etc. to provide sustenance for my journey, and attempt to find my way with the assistance of the Wifi. This usually works, and I usually get the perk of whatever iced drink I’ve just acquired. With my mood instantly given +5 HP and some newly loaded directions, I’m off again. Despite how much I hate getting lost, it’s almost enjoyable nowadays.

With a month left in the program, I’m sure I’ve still got loads more time I’m going to dedicate to finding my way. At least I have all those iced drinks to look forward to!

P.S. Here’s the ramen I got lost for on Friday. Totally worth it.

I’ve been home from Chicago for about two weeks now, trying to organize my life post-internship and preparing for stepping back into my role as a student after two long months of playing a professional adult role. Its an interesting regression, as I think I was finally getting the hang of adulthood and now I can choose to let go of that persona for another year before the permanence of adulthood kicks in. Although I’ve found some aspects of adulting enjoyable, I’m relieved that I still have some time before I have to adult to that extent again.

The beauty of the CAPS fellowship is exactly that. You get a taste of a career path or field and how you need to function within that field, but nothing is permanent. At the end of the summer, you get to say your goodbyes and step away from that experience, and have time to evaluate it all. What you liked, what you didn’t like, if it’s the path you want to pursue. In such a pivotal time in one’s life, it’s a great resource for helping to decide what steps to take next.

I knew coming into this summer that I might not end it with clarity about what I want to do. It might provide me instead with some clarity about what I don’t want to do, or help me to grow or shorten my list of potential career options. While this is a frustrating concept for someone who is surrounded by people in their life who graduated from college and immediately found that fit for them, whether that be nursing, engineering, or any other number of professions that has a more linear path, it is something that we liberal arts majors are just going to have to live with.

My education at Valpo, through Christ College, leadership positions, and studying sociology and political science, has equipped me with a wide and unique set of skills. That being said, these skills are applicable to a multitude of fields and careers. I have a lot of options post graduation, and I’ve felt the weight of that since very early on in my college career. It often feels like an impossible task to decide on one career or path. And now I realize that I don’t have to.

One of the things I’ve tried to make a priority while working at Concordia Place is to ask my coworkers their “story”. I have been collecting the stories of how they ended up working at this nonprofit in Chicago, and have learned that the answer is exactly what I suspected (and kind of feared) to be true: trial and error. They all come from different schools around the country, whether it be Tennessee, Colorado, Illinois, New York, etc. And they all have worked in several different fields, and different positions within those fields. They learned what their strengths were as they progressed through each position, and some of them are still trying to figure that out now, at Concordia Place. Some went immediately to graduate school after college, some waited a few years after working a few different types of jobs so that they could be more sure of what they want to go into even more debt studying.

As a “planner”, it can be disheartening to hear to that I can’t fully plan out my future in a linear way. I know that it should excite me that there are endless possibilities, but it’s not the easiest idea to get used to. No one prepares you for that, especially in a society that expects you to have an idea of what you want to do with your life when you graduate high school at a mere 18 years old.

One beautiful Friday morning, I went to a nonprofit panel geared towards interns. I plugged the address my boss gave me into Google Maps and started walking. I was pretty surprised when I ended up in front of the Sears/Willis Tower (I’ve gotten a lot of crap for calling it either, so pick your poison). I got to listen to career advice while looking out at Lake Michigan, and it was an experience that will stick out when I think back on this summer. The most important piece of advice was that you can’t plan out your whole career path now, and you shouldn’t even try. Hindsight is 20/20, and only when you’re looking back does your career path make any sense, according to the knowledgeable and highly qualified panelists. Seeing how far the panelists had come in their careers, despite their paths being completely different than what they had anticipated at my age, is a comfort. I’m working on learning to let go of my obsession with planning and instead, let life do its thing.

Concordia Day on Milwaukee, which we finally cut the ribbon and opened on August 1st!

One morning on my commute to work, the woman sitting next to me on the train struck up a conversation with me, as we are often on the same train for a portion of our respective commutes. I took two things away from that conversation, the first being that I am fooling no one in my efforts to seem like a seasoned Chicago 9-5er, as she immediately intuited that I am an intern. The second thing I took away was her reminder that I am looking at the next forty years of my life in the workforce. I’m not sure if that piece of sage wisdom was supposed to terrify me (40 years of working seems pretty daunting), and at first it definitely did. With time, however, I’ve come to regard that statement as crucial in my personal journey to find a career or goal to work towards in my life that I feel called to do.

I’ve been working at Concordia Place for five weeks now. Concordia Place is a Lutheran non-profit whose mission is basically to support members of the community at all stages of life, from early childhood to the teenage years to retirement, through accessible services that have arisen out of the need Concordia Place identifies in the communities it serves. I am shocked that the time has flown by so quickly, but the abundance of things that I have learned about myself, nonprofits, and the needs that often go unmet in the Chicago area community, are proof of the passage of time.

My supervisor, Cameron, has been awesome about taking me along on her meetings around the city, whether it be with Concordia Place board members, public relations consultants, or potential donors, and helping me to understand how a nonprofit runs from all different angles. For a nonprofit that I had never heard of until my involvement in CAPS, Concordia Place has a large and impressive network of players and contributors, and the people of Concordia Place have worked tirelessly to get this far. In a political and social climate that has presented charitable need in so many different areas and issues, I am impressed by how Concordia Place continues to grow.

In a recent meeting I accompanied Cameron to, I learned about the concept of compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is best described as a feeling of indifference towards charitable campaigns addressing even the most important of issues, due to a saturation of appeals for aid for various social issues. As human rights are infringed upon with increasing frequency lately, there are just too many problems vying for attention. For example, it might be difficult for Planned Parenthood to campaign for funds right now, when the ACLU is also campaigning for funds to help families separated at the border, which is a recent social issue that is dominating the news cycle. Both organizations work towards a very worthy cause, yet people cannot put their time, energy, and money into an infinite number of worthy causes. They do what they can, and no one can do it all.

As a college student who is lucky enough to attend Valpo and feel safe and at peace in my privileged bubble in Indiana, it is easy to understand how compassion fatigue comes about. Eventually, we just stop talking about social injustices and things occurring in our country that are against our personal convictions, because they are too numerous, and the thought of all that needs to be fixed in the world is overwhelming and upsetting. And because these injustices often are not directly impacting those as privileged as myself, we can just push these thoughts aside. This is a dangerous pattern of ignorance and comfort to fall into.

This CAPS fellowship couldn’t have come at a better time, as I myself was beginning to fall into this pattern. What could I, an average college student, do to help fix any one of these problems? It often felt like the answer to that was nothing. Now, working for a nonprofit, I see that there is so much that I can personally contribute with my talents and gifts, and even more importantly, so much that can be done when numerous compassionate and driven minds come together for change. Compassion fatigue is a very real phenomenon, but one that can be combated with passion and persistence. I’ve learned that any progress towards change is worth being celebrated, no matter how great or small. And optimism is key.

If I’m looking at the next forty years of my life, the nonprofit sector seems like a great option as a place to spend them. The lady on the train’s terrifying advice now suddenly seems terrifying for a different reason, in that forty years doesn’t seem like nearly enough time to achieve all that I wish in making this world a better place. Although at times it may feel both difficult and hopeless to fix social issues, I feel called to push aside compassion fatigue and just do what I can with what I have to fight for change.

Volunteer day at the new Concordia Day center opening later this summer on Milwaukee Avenue!

Concordia Place interns with CEO Brenda Swartz at her 15th Anniversary Party