“What I Know For Sure” was a column in O, The Oprah Magazine, where Oprah Winfrey shared life lessons collected from her lifetime as a source of inspiration for others in an uncertain world. Admittedly, I hadn’t even heard of it until days ago, when it received a scalding critique from Imhotep, a director at Kheprw Institute where I am an intern. Kheprw is a nonprofit in Indianapolis that focuses on community empowerment through building capacity in community members. It operates by looking at the resources available and how they can be leveraged for community use. 

Like with most conversations, Imhotep and I discussed from the front porch, the heart of Kheprw’s operations. In the balmy Indianapolis evening, Imhotep said knowing anything for sure is complete crap. I objected, thinking of all the things I knew for certain. I knew my name was Drayce. I knew the pythagorean theorem equation. I knew that today was sunny, and that we sat on the porch because it shaded us from the heat. Before I could even dive into the plethora of knowledge I contained, he cut me off and reasserted a commonly-voiced statement: “You are 20 years old, you don’t know a thing!” Holding my frustration at bay, he explained that “knowing” is a feeling fabricated by oneself, and how one perceives the universe around them. This universe is constantly changing, and knowing something for certain violates that principle of change which is fundamental. 

That answer didn’t satisfy me, so I continued to mull over the things I knew. I thought about my journey to Kheprw through the CAPS Fellows program. Though a Biomedical Engineering major, I decided to step out of my engineering box and engage in something unfamiliar to me this summer. What brought me to Kheprw was a unique shared mentality amongst its members, one of equity and family. Then COVID-19 hit. My one opportunity to engage with this enriching environment was threatened, but I was determined to find a way to make it happen. Through Kheprw’s creativity, this opportunity arose, and here I found myself in Indianapolis, 200 miles from home with a stubborn man who tells me constantly that I know nothing.

I started to think critically about why Imhotep insists on beating that lesson into me. Starting with my background, I’m a white male, and have had the privilege of growing up in a comfortable suburb. I recognize this distances me both from the economic and racial issues that permeate Kheprw’s work, especially during a pandemic and in the wake of nationwide protests surrounding the Black Lives Matter movement. It’s as if I come from another planet. I can never fully grasp the complexity, barriers, and pain of racial discrimination that is encountered every day by people of color. This is because I live in a system that favors me, that has silently and vocally taught me that I have power, that I am smart, and that I can bring change. I learned very quickly here that this narrative is much different growing up with color, in fact it is the opposite. You learn that you start from the bottom of a ladder and that every day you have to be vigilant against a system designed to keep you from climbing up. I learned that success against this system is illusory: every movement against racism has only led to it continuing through another form. I continue to learn more everyday because the people here at Kheprw allow me to ask difficult questions. They even encourage me to ask the stupid questions where I lack the common knowledge that we are deprived of in the American education system. I’ve learned a lot, but it is as fractional as a drop in a swimming pool. I could learn every historical event, discuss institutionalized racism with every expert, and I would still know nothing about racism’s true nature, because I don’t live it. I just can’t experience it. How can I understand a lifetime of abuse when I can’t even stand an old man calling me a fool for 2 weeks?

So why does Imhotep tell me I know nothing? Simply because it’s true. This mentality is the only one that can bring me to understanding. If at any point I say “Okay, I get it. I came here to learn, now I know what racism is”, my learning would immediately end. In this context, knowing is the barrier to understanding.

Understanding, unlike knowledge, can change. Imhotep’s critique of Oprah’s “What I Know For Sure” was out of the sensibility that our understanding of the universe is very limited, just like my understanding of racism is limited. In this sense, claiming to know anything about this universe is as ridiculous as me asserting to completely know a facet of racism. Beyond that, in trying to deepen our understanding of life and anything in it, we have to first let go of the concept of knowing. For me, this is very difficult. As per an engineering mindset, I try to operate with logic and knowledge to engage problems. To me, the statement “My name is Drayce”, checks out as true; I know that as fact. But consider that names can change. ‘Imhotep’, meaning bringer of peace, was not his given name at birth. Instead the community collectively endowed this name. I don’t know what his original name was, but I suspect it doesn’t matter to him, considering that the current understanding is that he is Imhotep. This understanding may have changed over time, but it holds true as what is important.

Currently, discussions on racism are happening worldwide, which is amazing. Anticipating this blog post, I had at first sought to accumulate knowledge on the subject to share in this discussion, only to realize that isn’t how I can contribute. Instead, I can do a whole lot of listening. I can remind my fellow idiots that it’s okay to not know anything. By admitting this (which is still my challenge everyday) instead of denying it, you can begin to reflect and raise the questions that need to be talked about. To do this you have to put even your own beliefs under scrutiny because the “kool aid” (as Imhotep calls it) is everywhere. By asking these questions, you bring everyone to a greater understanding. That is how the fool contributes. With that said, there are a lot of things I don’t know for sure. I only hope the number of them continues to increase. Thank you for reading my CAPS blog post 🙂