I am writing this while sitting at my small wood dining room table. My cat is curled up next to me and there is a soft light coming through the windows that face the street. It is weird to be home, to be back in St. Louis. I have had so many homes in the past three months. When I leave St. Louis to go back to Valpo, I say I am going back home. When I leave Valpo to go to St. Louis I also say I am going home. During CAPS my roommates and I would refer to our apartment as home. I even say I am going back home to see my family in Washington even though I have never lived there for a substantial amount of time. Over the summer I thought a lot about what really made a home a home.
When I was younger I thought of home as an unwavering permanent place. I had grown up in the same city, only moving once when I was five so my house had always been my home. Many people say home is where the heart is and to some extent, I would agree. Valpo, St. Louis, Indianapolis, and Washington all have pieces of my heart and have people I love there. Not all of these physical spaces always felt like home. It wasn’t until I felt safe, secured, and loved that I believed somewhere was home.
When I first moved into my apartment this summer it did not feel like home. It was scary and new and weirdly quiet. I was also in a new city with two roommates I did not really know. The same feelings were there the first night I spent at Valpo. These feelings shifted as I began to figure out the city and get closer to my roommates. I began to be able to then branch out and form connections, take risks, and enjoy my new found home with my new found friends.
This summer I was placed at School on Wheels who provides one on one tutoring to children experiencing homelessness. School is hard for all kids in some aspect or another. It is a time of continuous growth, challenge, and change. It is so much harder when children do not have a place to call home. A safe, consistent place where they are able to perform and learn to their full potential. This summer I worked with some children who were transitioning from a space they might have considered to be home into a new space with new people. They might also be dealing with a violent or traumatic experience. They are going through all these major changes and now with the absence of a home and the school year is rapidly approaching.
This summer I learned that no one can remove all the obstacles that have been unfairly placed into these kids lives but one person can make somewhere feel a little more like home. Trying to understand what my role is as someone with privilege in spaces that are underprivileged has been something I have really struggled with. It was important for me to acknowledge it every day and be conscious of how much space I was taking up. This allowed me to step back and make sure the kids could show me all the amazing things they can do and be able to explore, create, and have fun. If I had not done this my experience this summer would have been far less impactful.
Going back home, to St. Louis was hard. It is weird to walk into the lives of these kids and know them and know their struggles and the just vanish out of their lives. I am still processing everything that I learned over the summer but one thing I have come to appreciate so much is community. Being invested and present in a community is so personal and forms a devotion and passion for others that cannot be replicated. Being a dedicated part of all the communities I am a part of is now something I strive to be.
