So my birthday was on Saturday the first of September, and it was my first birthday in a different country. I spent Friday night (and the midnight going into my birthday) with my very good friends in La Calera. We went out to a karaoke bar after and I sang “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse. Saturday night I went back to Vina and spent the night at home with my host brother, who was hosting a BBQ with his friends. He incorporated my birthday as the new-found reason to celebrate and surprised me with a delicious mil hojas torta con manjar. It was delicious.
I received some nice phone calls from my family over Skype singing me “Happy Birthday”, and that’s when the homesickness began. I started questioning why I was here at all; why I had left everything that was comfortable and familiar to me thousands of miles away. I wanted my family, my house, my bed, my entire closet, my mom’s cooking. I wanted home. I shrugged it off to enjoy my weekend, but the feeling came surging back with a vengeance right after the weekend. I didn’t like to show it at all though; I felt as though I would be ungrateful or something, but I still couldn’t get rid of the homesickness. A few days after, I had a Skype session with Julie Maddox, the director of International Programs at Valparaiso University. She sent me this article about homesickness, and it gave me a little more perspective for when I’m having some of those moments.
Stages of Adjustment
Stage 1: Cultural Euphoria
At the start of your study abroad, there is an initial excitement about being in a new culture. This is often called the “honeymoon stage.” Everything is new and wonderful, and you are eager to explore it all. This phase seems pleasant enough, but there are some drawbacks involved. You tend to see the culture through rose-colored glasses, and your interpretations aren’t necessarily realistic. You also focus more on all the visible aspects of the culture (e.g. food, scenery, and clothing) and ignore the more complex and less obvious cultural aspects. In addition, you tend to focus on similarities rather than differences in the early stage of the visit. Most tourists who travel for a short period of time remain in this stage for their entire journey.
Stage 2: Cultural Confrontation
In the next stage, the initial excitement you felt when you arrived diminishes and the process of cultural adjustment begins. This stage is characterized by confusion and frustration and, as such, is the most difficult stage. Your feelings can shift from very positive to extremely negative. You may view both the home culture and the host culture in very unrealistic terms; one is superior while the other is lacking. This is because everything that you used to do with relative ease in your home country appears much more difficult due to the culture and/or the language. Homesickness may also contribute to your feelings of discomfort. You feel discouraged and begin to doubt whether you can learn the language or adjust to the culture. Despite these feelings, you are making critical progress in expanding your cross-cultural awareness and, whether or not you are aware of it, you are developing your own strategies for coping with cultural differences.
Stage 3: Cultural Adjustment
This stage represents the transition out of culture shock into significant cultural adjustment. You feel increasingly comfortable and competent in the culture, and these feelings prevail over the times you have felt frustrated or out of place. Homesickness may still be an issue for you, but you are interacting more effectively with people from your host country, leading to an increase in self-confidence. You start to look forward to further communication oportunities in the host country and what you can learn throughout the remainder or your experience.
Stage 4: Cultural Adaptation
In this stage, you have reached a point where you have a great deal of confidence in your ability to communicate and interact effectively. You have a deeper understanding of the influence culture has in peoples’ lives. You have acquired considerable cultural knowledge, but you also recognize that there is much you still don’t know or understand. You have integrated many of the values, customs, and behaviors from the new culture into your daily life. You now possess the ability to examine and comprehend a wide range of cultural norms, values, and beliefs.
(Taken from Statements of Adjustment Activity (p. 84-89) in Maximizing Study Abroad: A Students’ Guide to Strategies for Language and Culture Learning and Use.)
Homesickness
Homesickness is one of the most common adjustment problems related to culture shock and loneliness. Experienced by students from every country, homesickness is a universal side–affect to being away from home. Psychologists often refer to homesickness as “separation anxiety” because students–in particular those moving away from home–feel separated from all that is familiar.
Feelings of homesickness may even start before you leave to study abroad in the country of your choice. You may find yourself mildly depressed or anxious several weeks before leaving. The anticipation and preparation for this major change of lifestyle can trigger pre–departure homesickness, or sudden feelings that you don’t want to leave, or even a want to back out of your decision to study abroad.
Some students might experience homesickness within the first few days or weeks of being abroad, while others might not be hit by homesickness until later on, or closer to the holidays. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, family events or even family illness or death can all cause you to feel homesick, or make you wish you were at home. Also, many students report increased feelings of homesickness during the winter months when darkness, rainy weather and the cold can lead to feelings of depression.
The following are a few tips to help you cope with feelings of homesickness:
- Don’t wait for homesickness to go away by itself. Confront your feelings by talking to someone (a counselor, family member, roommate, or another student, etc.) about your homesickness. Chances are that the other students in your program may be feeling the same way you are.
- Bring some of home along with you to the country of your choice. Be sure to pack photos of family and friends, bring your favorite CDs and cook family recipes while abroad.
- Make friends with locals and invite them to spend time with you. Creating such a support network can really help to alleviate homesickness while creating lasting friendships.
- Be patient with yourself as you adjust to the unexpected realities of being in the country of your choice, and how abroad is not like home.
- Get involved by seeking out opportunities that keep you busy and occupied so that you won’t think about home. Try to work, intern, volunteer, or travel. You could also join a sports team or club, join a gym, or participate in program activities.
