Love, regardless of how one defines it, is not something that exists independently. It requires attention and devotion; that is to say, you have to work at it. Randy Pausch once said, “The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.” Relationships function the same way.

My girlfriend and I have survived a semester apart, an ocean and seven time zones away. The task was daunting at first, but at the end of the endeavor, I find that it has been a fruitful experience. Here are some of the things I’ve learned.

It’s important to know how to say goodbye (or see you later).

Spending a semester apart requires that a relationship be in its best shape before the term starts. Like a marathon, your chances are best when you are prepared fit; a relationship is no different. It’s important that each person knows what to expect, and to expect those expectations to be challenged and maybe changed. Settle all fights and resolve all issues before the semester, else they’ll fester.

It’s all a lead up to knowing how to say goodbye properly.

Distance will make you talk more.

When all you have is talking and writing to each other, distance will exacerbate any problems and highlight any strong points. In my experience, my girlfriend and I managed to learn so much more about each other in the time we were away, primarily because all we had was the foundation of any relationship: communication. This is a prime opportunity to talk to each other at a depth that hasn’t been reached yet. As you learn more about yourself, share that.

It will be difficult, and it should be difficult.

Be honest about your relationship: Is it really strong enough to endure a semester apart? It’s a tough question to ask, but it’s a necessary one. My girlfriend and I go to different schools and have dated for nearly two years, so we had experience at distance before going into this past semester. However, if you relationship is celebrating its fourth week, and you’ve never spent more than 24 hours apart, it’s worth a critical self-evaluation.

Break conventions.

Few relationships are the same. A close friend of mine turned his relationship into an open one, in which both parties were allowed to see other people. That may not be a set up that fits everyone, certainly not me, but for the right couple it may work. There are all sorts of ways to keep a relationship going. Don’t be afraid to break convention to make it work.